June 1, 2009

Prop 8: My Love Can't Be Stopped By Some Court

Posted by G. Melesaine at 9:58AM

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(This post originally appeared on Silicon Valley DeBug)

The Prop 8 decision just came out and I sit here awake late at night, contemplating many things. I've been thinking about my relationship issues, and why I haven't been all I could be in my relationships. And I wonder, if I was all I could be, would I ever marry? I told myself never, but lately I have been feeling its possibility. A lot of my friends are putting their player card down as well, and I sit here debating with myself maybe if Prop 8 eventually gets repealed, I could commit and stop with my half ass love. Maybe its karma, who knows.

The decision that Prop 8 was upheld by the courts was announced, and I had to find out via facebook mobile. Only one take of my friends "Saddened by California" let me know the Prop 8 decision was upheld, even though the 18,000 marriages that occurred before the election would stand as is. A majority of my friends status on facebook were updated, showing their disdain to the prop 8 decision. I was tempted to argue with the wall of the homophobes who said I was abnormal and ungodly as responses to Prop 8 threads. And the decision was not just online, but was everywhere.

On the bus, a woman was reading an old newspaper about Prop 8, and a young kid sitting in back of me was blasting its iPod to its maximum volume. I recognized the piano keys as Tupac's uncompromising voice over his song "Changes.” The sun was out, the first Latina was nominated to the Supreme court, my mom had won the lotto(kind of). The day, a historic one with the Supreme Court announcement, to me didn't feel as different as it should. It’s all random, as life takes place in its mysterious way. It was only eleven am. Sad? Who knows. Maybe I thought that this was a way to shine light on the oppression of the community and more folks needed to be progressive about theirs instead of waiting for the "activists" to take care of things. The homophobes remain strong, along with their insecurities about their sexuality.

Back during the election, one of my queer friends was talking about how he would vote “yes” on 8. I thought maybe some over-zealous Mormons had kidnapped him into one of those get straight camps. But no. He explained that we didn't need someone, especially the government to ok our relationships and our notions of love with these "marriages." We needed our own.

I’m okay with that, but still at the end of the day I know I’m obliged to fight for equality for the Lgbtq folks who have been together for so many years, only to be denied the same right as a straight couple who have been together for a night and wants to walk down the aisle because they've conceived a baby from a drunken one night stand.

Somedays don't make sense to me, anxiety to figure out how things will work out takes a hold of my mind sometimes. I’m excited for Pride month which begins next monday, I’m thinking of letting my sexuality be comfortable for once and to make those uncomfortable by just "being" without the bureaucratic bullshit.

I think its time to be all I can be with queer love until folks can see that its fluidity never stops at a decision by some court. And if the day ever comes that its time to get married, I'll just go to Massachusetts, Iowa, Connecticut, Maine or Vermont. I’m good, my love only remains stronger.