May 30, 2008

YM Blog-a-thon: Sex Update

Posted by Jamilah King at 10:40AM

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(From Wednesday to Wednesday, May 28-June 4, 2008, WireTap and YO! Youth Outlook are hosting the fourth youth media blog-a-thon. This month's topic is sex. Young folks– along with any youth bloggers dedicated to writing about youth issues and youth media – will address the topic of sex.)

Here's an update on our ongoing discussion on sex:

Does good sex lead to a good relationship?

Feeshauce answers:

As much as those lesbian U-Haul stereotypes are often common enough, I’ve been jaded from too many broken relationships to still be that naive. No, other than that first night of amazing (admittedly, not entirely sober on my part) flirting and sex, we took it ’slow.’ Partly out of necessity — living eight hours apart can do that. We talked, learned a lot about each other, opened up, joked around, and built up that comfortableness and security before we saw each other again.

On the dating game:

From Sidelined:

See, the thing is, I have a tough time "playing" the game when I know how badly it hurts to get played. I know how painful it is to get fucked up by patriarchy time and time again. So when I see a woman I think I might want to ask out, I don't. I get stuck on the sting of sleazy advances and objectification and struggle to find the path that allows me to be her respite from that world.

On identity, awkwardness and losing your virginity:

From ColinResponse:

I lost my virginity (here’s the part you were waiting for) to my first “real” girlfriend on a trampoline (seriously) during the summer of 1999, and it wasn’t as glamorous as it sounds (NOT that this sounds glamorous in ANY way)...I look back at these thoughts and about the fact that while I truly wanted to have sex with my girlfriend at the time, there was a bit TOO much relief that came from it just being over and done with. As men, we get railroaded into having our masculinity questioned if we are not having (a lot of) sex with (many) women.

On choosing to wait:

From Youth Outlook:

I recently had a conversation with my very close friend who has a date this Saturday with a guy three years older than her... She mentioned that she feels like, at 17, too young to give up her virginity. She mentioned that she had the same conversation with her mom earlier that day where she had found out her mom and aunts had all lost their virginity by the time they were 16. Personally, I was proud that she had come to her own conclusion that she was too young, which I also felt but, not wanting to impose myself on her, left for her to decide on her own.

Can latex be sexy?

From 'Licious:

Each time I didn’t use a condom I would think in the back of my mind, “Why am I doing this? Why am I putting myself at risk?” but I didn’t stop. I would later get scared and get tested and find out that I was fine and again vow to always use a condom. At times I did it and I would feel great for asserting myself as a strong woman but other times I would just let myself fall captive to male protest. Then I would question why I was sleeping with someone that didn’t want to use a condom.

On Rape:

From Youth Outlook:

This may end up being more along the lines of a confession than some moment of sexual clarity, but oh well...It took me a little over a year to come to terms with the fact that my ex-boyfriend raped me..Saying it out loud doesn’t even seem real. He raped me.

On choosing self love:

From WireTap:

Lately, I've been shying away -- and sometimes running -- from anything that smells even slightly romantic. My excuse? I want time to myself. I want to deal with my shit. I want to stop looking for someone to be my perfect shield. I know that everyone has their baggage, and some of us have a lot more than others. And while I've grown to accept that the baggage will always be there, I want to figure out how I can carry it more effectively. Instead of spilling my shit in the middle of some busy intersection while trying to run for a bus to take me anywhere but my past, I want to be organized about it, put my pain and insecurities on a granny cart and strut my way down the block with the confident swag of someone who's mistake-prone but life-savvy.

Sex & Intimacy Tips:

From Youth Outlook:

There's still time to join the discussion! Write your own story or comment on others. Contact Jamilah@Wiretapmag.org for more information!