Ask A Sex Goddess

By Sex Goddess, WireTap
Posted on April 3, 2007, Printed on November 21, 2008
http://www.wiretapmag.org/sex/43067/

Dear Sex Goddess,

My boss is dumb hot. We work for a non-profit where feminism and other radical political and cultural norms are in place, so I feel remarkably uncomfortable with the dynamic that is developing between us ... or, developing in me. I think he is aware of the attraction I have for him -- everyone thinks he's hot. I don't think he is manipulating it, but I think that it is becoming a big part of our interactions right now, whenever we're near each other I can hardly concentrate. I feel motivated in some ways to do a good job just based on my attraction to him. My thoughts feel wrong, both because he is a coworker and because he is married, and a father. I'm not the only one, there are lots of women of various ages and races in our organization and donor base and among our partners who are wrapped around his very sexy finger. Is there a way to bring this up with him, or would that make it worse?

Worker "B"

Dear Worker "B,"

Er ... don't bone your boss!

Ok, now that we have that out of the way, relax. You are not the first or the last to experience Bosslove. In fact, Bosslove is really hard to avoid. A huge part of your job, despite your job description, is to please him. The only people who we are set up to want to explicitly please are our parents, our lovers, and our bosses. If you weren't so attracted to your boss, you'd probably be projecting your mom or dad onto him. You might be doing that anyway! Don't go too far with that thought, Freud did that for you. I'm not a fan of people who feel the workspace should be sterile -- the attraction between any two people, before official titles get put on things, is nature's way of helping you select out of the billions of people in the world the ones who will be a part of your specific life. Now, I ain't no scientist, but I am sure everyone has an equal serving of the yummy attraction pheremones. Dumb hot people have learned how to use theirs for maximum appeal, and leaders have often figured out how to literally become magnetic. You are being magnetized. If you can't get your work done because of the attraction, or you feel that the dumb hot sexy is becoming a way for your boss to manipulate situations, then definitely bring it up. But if not, I wouldn't risk making things awkward. He's married and probably just sittin' there being fine and not thinkin' about you, not to be mean. But just in case -- keep up the good work.

SG

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Do you have a question? Email SG at SexAndRelationships@WireTapMag.org.

Rules:

1. I hate rules!
2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.
3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!
4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ... do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.

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