Ask A Sex Goddess

By Sex Goddess, WireTap
Posted on June 22, 2007, Printed on November 21, 2008
http://www.wiretapmag.org/sex/43140/

Dear Sex Goddess,

I am not a very sexy person.

My partner wants me to get more freaky, some things that he wants to do scares me, but I do need to do something to keep him satisfied. I am bored with sex at times and don't feel like having sex with him. He just reached his prime and I'm in my thirties. How do I get freaky and not feel like a fool or embarrassed?

Regards,
Hopeless

Dear Hopeless,

Ok here's my take on it: Hopelessness is not sexy. Boredom is not sexy. Identifying as an unsexy person is not sexy. If I had to make a guess, I'd say your problems with your partner are not around boredom in the bedroom, that's just a symptom of other problems. But it will never be sexy for you to just be trying to satisfy him.

What is very, very sexy is a woman who knows how to satisfy herself, and demands that as often as possible. Homework: Invest in your own orgasms. Start with one a week, if you aren't currently having orgasms regularly. Work your way up to my magic practice, an orgasm a day. Bringing yourself to an orgasm is acknowledging your own sexual self, giving your sexy self a work out, strengthening your sexy. Advanced homework with your partner is building your fantasies around yourselves. Don't do anything that scares you, fear shuts down the whole greater pussy region. But develop a fantasy world together in which you excite each other. Get comfortable talking about sex with each other, speaking in sentences that start with "I want ... "

Best of luck,
SG

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Do you have a question? Email SG at SexAndRelationships@WireTapMag.org.

Rules:

1. I hate rules!
2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.
3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!
4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ... do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.

Click here to access all of SG's sex and relationships wisdom.

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