Ask a Sex Goddess

By Sex Goddess, WireTap
Posted on August 3, 2007, Printed on July 5, 2008
http://www.wiretapmag.org/sex/43185/

Dear Sex Goddess:

As a first-year student at Brown I had anal sex for the first time. My partner was a pretty good friend, a senior at the time, whom I trusted, so I had no hang-ups about having sex with him. Admittedly, it was a weekend night and I was pretty drunk. Once we were naked, he asked me if I wanted to have sex. I agreed and I bottomed. He used very little lube, didn't help relaxing/loosening my anus and it was an intensely painful experience. The next day I realized that I had bled during the process. The next morning he wasn't very kind and I left feeling really used, that he had aggressively had sex with me without really caring about how I felt and the pain I was enduring.

That was 16 months ago. I have had several opportunities to have anal sex with people I really like/love but I've always been too nervous to the disappointment of a few partners. How can I get over my fear of anal sex? I'm nervous that as I get older, men will be less understanding of my lack of sexual experience. What can I do?

I know you probably get a lot of questions, but I would love to actually hear from you.

Thank you,

Don't Touch My Bootyhole!

Dear DTMB,

My, my, my.

First of all, can I get a solidarity 'Ouch!' from the readers! That does sound like a daunting debaucle ... your fear is not unfounded. However, the Bootyhole is such a magical place, and worth the work it will take to build back up your anal capacity. I recommend starting small. Go get some really good lube (link http://www.goodvibrations.org) and a small toy, I recommend one of the little vibrating eggs they sell, and reacquainting yourself with the sweet spot. Keeping your tender booty very lubed at all times, practice rubbing and buzzing about down there and when it feels good, loose even, try insertion. The vibrating helps with that. Slowly but sure you will be amazed by what all your bootyhole can handle. It is in this state of wide-eyed amazement that I suggest approaching your next encounter with another partner. Next time, you bring the lube and pour it all over everything with reckless, sensual abandon! Good luck!

S.G.

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Do you have a question? Email SG at SexAndRelationships@WireTapMag.org.

Rules:

1. I hate rules!
2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.
3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!
4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ... do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.

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