Ask a Sex Goddess

By Sex Goddess, WireTap
Posted on February 29, 2008, Printed on July 5, 2008
http://www.wiretapmag.org/sex/43446/

Dear Sex Goddess

I've just started seeing (sleeping with) someone who is coming off of a hard breakup. The sex is great, the chemistry is great, we believe in each other's work and dreams ... and his previous partner was a super-hoochie, who everyone knew was stepping out on him as often as possible. However, he is still hurting from it and I can tell that we might be building on a shaky ground. Is there ANY way that this can work?

Rebound 4 Life

Dear Rebound,

Anything can work. That's the first thing to know -- all worlds are possible. I read it in a magazine somewhere. It's hard, of course, even harder if you start with someone in pain. It will reverberate later in your relationship, you'll always wonder why he turned to you, if it was really choice or just desperation; you'll have to deal with that part of his brain that might compare. But!

A lot of times, right after the heart gets smashed, there is real clarity around the kind of healthy relationship you actually want, one that could work in your favor. If you can stay away from trash talking his ex, who he will inevitably still have a tender spot for, that could work in your favor. And you never really know why folks are choosing to be with you anyway, just have to expect it's out of loving adoration and draw towards your irresistible flame! And if the ground proves too shaky, so what! Don't waste time in "what if" land ... enjoy the great sex, great chemistry and moment of being believed in and see how deep the rabbit holes goes!

SG

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Do you have a question? Email SG at SexAndRelationships@WireTapMag.org.

Rules:

1. I hate rules!
2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.
3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!
4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ... do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.

Click here to access all of SG's sex and relationships wisdom.

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