Ask a Sex Goddess

By Sex Goddess, May 9, 2008

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This week: A young radical is dating a woman, who doesn’t like to talk about politics. Is this going to work out?

Kalamazoo, MI

Dear Just Too Radical:

Hmm, sounds like what you might have is a serious case of paternalismo.

Let me answer the question you didn't ask: am I playing the "more radical than thou" game with my partner? Progressive folks like us often mistake good political articulation for good politics. In my experience, a person's motivations and intentions -- that which drives her work and ideas -- matter much more than whether she read the latest article by Tariq Ali.

On the other hand, mutual respect is a necessary component in any relationship between equals. When it comes to social injustice, does she have her head in a cloud animated by Dreamworks? Elective ignorance is never attractive, and will eventually breed deep-set resentments between you. Even more so, if she doesn't take your politics seriously, but merely tolerates them.

So which is it? Do you need to check your own intentions, you inclination to "teach" your partner and place her on the true-and-right path to radical politics? Or, is this really a case of a gap in life priorities? Some serious self-reflection should tune you into what is going on beneath the surface. Let yourself be surprised -- and don't force it. As they say, if it's meant to be...

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Do you have a question? Email SG at SexAndRelationships@WireTapMag.org.

Rules:

1. I hate rules!
2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.
3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!
4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ... do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.

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