Ask a Sex Goddess

By Sex Goddess, August 25, 2008

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How do I address my friends obsession with his coworkers accomplishments?

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Dear Sex Goddess~ My question is about a friendship. A good friend of mine, who I have known since college, recently went to work for this hip, progressive media organization. They do great work, and I am really proud of him and happy for him. The only problem is that he is obsessed with all of the folks who work there, many of whom he has become friends with. When he introduces me to them, its like he is reading off their resumes. I can tell it makes them feel as awkward as it makes me feel. The other weird thing about it is that he doesn't seem to feel the need to introduce me in as great of detail. So every time I meet one of his new friends, I feel like this new person is some celebrity and I am nobody. I am feeling really undervalued at this point. What should I do?

The Old Friend

Queens, NY

Dear Old Friend~ Yikes. Sounds like your friend has something to prove. To you. Anytime someone is introduced to me with a litany of deeds, my first question is "Why does the person introducing us want me to know all of this stuff?" The answer is usually that the friend introducing us really wants me to like and admire the new person as much as they do. I imagine that this is what is behind your friend's frustrating behavior.

It could also be that your friend wants you to see that, beyond college, he continues to grow and change and that with all of that positive change and growth comes the awesome new people that he attracts. Basically, he wants you to know how cool he is.

But keep in mind that for some people, making new friends is a lot like falling in love, complete with the honeymoon phase during which one can only see the fantastic qualities. This is usually followed by a sad, dark period during which one realizes that one's wonderful new friend is actually a fan of Ayn Rand. Nobody is perfect. Try to remember how your friend treated you when you first met, back in college - he probably fell in love with you in much the same way. He might just be that type.

On the subject of not giving you the same heady introduction as his new friends...well, sorry to say it, but you're not the new friend. He knows you and he knows all about how awesome you are. He doesn't need to repeat this information for his or anyone else's benefit. My recommendation is that you try not to worry about it. It's just your ego talking.

If your friend's behavior is really bothering you, have a conversation with him about it. Tell him that his introductions make you feel really awkward, and that you would prefer to get to know his new friends in your own way. Alternatively, anytime he starts in with one of these intros, you could interrupt by saying, "Ha! You think that's cool? Try goring a 200 lb deer with your bare hands!" It's a conversation stopper. Works every time.

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Do you have a question? Email SG at SexAndRelationships@WireTapMag.org.

Rules:

1. I hate rules!

2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.

3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!

4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ... do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.