Ask a Sex Goddess

By Sex Goddess, September 27, 2008

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Should I file for a domestic partnership to get my boyfriend's health insurance?

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Dear Sex Goddess~I moved in with my boyfriend about 6 months ago, after having dated off and on for three and a half years. He works for a pretty fancy foundation, and I freelance while trying to run a small business selling jewelry that I make out of recycled stuff. We are comfortable, but I don't have health insurance. My boyfriend thinks that we should file for a domestic partnership so that he can put me on his insurance policy. I think that on a practical level, this is fantastic. But on an emotional level...I am terrified!! A domestic partnership is pretty much married in my book, and I don't know whether I am ready for that. Am I being melodramatic? What do you think I should do?

Cold Feet

Queens, NY

Dear Cold Feet~I'm not going to say that its all in your head, but...

Listen, a domestic partnership is not the same as a marriage. While both domestic partnerships and marriages are legal statuses you can attain to, they mean very different things. Beginning with the fact that legal marriages are usually accompanied by a religious ritual that binds two people together on the spiritual plane as well as the lowly, earthly one. Fortunately, you don't need that kind of commitment in order to get health insurance.

Do you live together? Do you share finances? Are your lifestyles interdependent? Do you see yourself continuing to be with this man barring discovery of his history of pedophilia? Then a domestic partnership could be fruitful - just make sure you understand what it means locally, because laws vary from state to state and what you agree to contractually will impact issues of property ownership and support obligations.

Do your own research on domestic partnership, civil unions, and marriages - understanding the differences between these types of contracts will go a long way towards helping you decide what you are comfortable with. If you don't want this man as your domestic partner, it should because of what a domestic partnership means, not because it sounds like marriage.

Good luck!

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Do you have a question? Email SG at SexAndRelationships@WireTapMag.org.

Rules:

1. I hate rules!

2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.

3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!

4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ... do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.