Freaky Fridays

By Sex Goddess, January 2, 2007

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Sex Column: 'My gift to you for the new year? We're going weekly! To celebrate, a pair of rear entry concerns!'

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May 2007 be the year in which you shake off any lingering inhibitions, discover some new ways to pleasure yourself and others, and fall madly in love with yourself for the first time or all over again! My gift to you for the new year? We seem to have slipped backwards into a weekly column, since that's what you've asked for and we're getting enough questions. We're going weekly! To celebrate, a pair of rear entry concerns!

XXOO

SG

Dear Sex Goddess,

My boyfriend really wants to 'go all anal on that ass,' and every time we have sex he lets me know it. I guess I am a little old school but the booty is for poopoo and I have a perfect vagina so why does he want to do this disgusting thing to me? Please help!

Tight Ass

Dear Tight Ass,

Loosen up! Not to take it lightly, and with much respect to your perfect vagina: there's another world of pleasure possible, and it's right behind you.

Now, it does take a significant shift in thinking to get from gross to sexy, and a lot of that shift is around being prepared to go 'all anal.' A couple of quick tips that I've heard make it all a bit more wonderful:

1. Wash 'that ass' right before you begin you backyard session.
2. Eat light throughout the day and make sure you don't have anything close to an upset stomach.
3. Understand that your body is capable of what you are trying to do. (It will fit.)
4. RELAX, RELATE, RELEASE. The more relaxed you are, the more your body can accomodate this new experience!

And, this is pure instinct on my part, but it sounds like the power dynamic being set up around the anal sex is that he is in charge. You need to understand the deep power of being the receiver in this situation. If you can literally shift your thinking and language such that the effect is that You are going to 'Go All Anal' on that Dick … I suspect the entire experience will be more enjoyable for all involved.

Good luck!

SG

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Dear Sex Goddess,

My boyfriend and I introduced a strap-on dildo to our lovemaking about a year ago. We've been together a long time. We were just looking for something new and different. At first I was super into it, cause there was a little vibrator in the bottom so I could also get off. Plus I love turning him out, I like the reverse roles, it's cool. But now it's started to get to the point where it's his favorite thing, and he wants to do it every time we sleep together. He is less and less interested in being the 'top' in our relationship, and I've even picked up on a general lessening of interest in the most feminine aspects of my body. I love my man, but I want some of that old school wam-bam-thank-you-ma'am back. I don't want to lose him. But am I turnin' my man gay? Is it too late?

Just Me and My Bitch

Dear Just You,

Oh dear. Hmm. Oh my. Well. Shucks… A huge part of me wants to focus on the fact that you can't turn someone gay, that it doesn't work like that. And that sexuality is a continuum. Even though we are socialized to believe it's a black and white arena, it's actually a gray, gay world. And that contrary to popular belief, men who like to be bottoms aren't automatically gay … but there's a little voice in my ear saying, 'Keep It More Realer!', so in that vein I will say that you may have opened a door for your boyfriend that wasn't opened before. You need to ask him what you're asking me -- is this something I should be concerned about? If yes, then you can start dealing with it -- I suggest couples therapy, as this may be no small endeavor. If no, then you need to address the issue that your needs are not being met, and make a plan to make sure everyone is satisfied!

SG

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Do you have a question? Email SG at SexAndRelationships@WireTapMag.org.

Rules:

1. I hate rules!
2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.
3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!
4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ‚ ¨¶ do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.

Click here to access all of SG's sex and relationships wisdom.