Ask a Sex Goddess

By Sex Goddess, February 9, 2007

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Sex Column: 'I've been seeing an amazing new lover for a few months now and I think we may be falling in love. Is it too soon to tell her that I love her?'

I've been seeing an amazing new lover for a few months now, and I think that *gasp* we may be falling in love. I haven't had a serious relationship for a few years, but i could really see it happening in a healthy and happy way with this person. I'm nervous about talking commitment and telling my lover how much I'm falling in love. Maybe it's just my issues with being vulnerable, but ideally I would love to have these discussions without risking the end of our relationship. How do you suggest dealing with this situation?

~ lil skerred lovebug

Dear Lovebug,

How delightful and remarkable and wonderful! I know it seems scary, but ... I don't see it being a situation at all. The thing with love is, if it's the real thing then it's flowing both ways. You can't fall in love by yourself -- you can fall in 'liking someone,' in 'infatuation,' even in 'obsession.' You can displace your desires for your own life, marriage, babies, Volvos and disposable income onto another person and get confused. But for that specific distinct occurrence of 'falling in love,' finding someone who is a response to the call of your identity, it has to be mutual. And if you are falling in love, be fearless, be hopeful, be vulnerable and revel in it, risk everything and do it. Read the first few chapters of The Prophet by Khalil Gibran, On Love and On Marriage, as a guide. Yay love!

S.G.

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Do you have a question? Email SG at SexAndRelationships@WireTapMag.org.

Rules:

1. I hate rules!
2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.
3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!
4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ... do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.

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