Ask A Sex Goddess

By Sex Goddess, February 20, 2007

• Comment Now
• Email
• Print
• Reprints
• Share

Sex Column: What if a former lover becomes your boss? Can this work?

I slept with this man who is well-positioned in the political realm in which I work, and now I am trying to get a job for his organization that he would actually manage. When I told him I was applying, he basically said he felt that due to our personal history (we banged, he bored, I bounced), he didn't feel it was appropriate of me to apply. But I am the best candidate for the job and we both know it. Shouldn't he stop tripping and just hire me already? Can I make this work?

Looking for Mr. Bossman

Dear Looking for Boring Boss,

You can definitely make it work. Important questions:

- Do I want him anymore?
- Does he want me anymore?
- Do folks in our sphere know we banged?

If you aren't currently banging, the important part of making it work is not banging anymore, and not referring back to the boring banging of your past. If other people know about y'all, then you better be the best for the job! There might be shadiness around you getting hired, but if you kick your job's ass daily then people can get past that. If you slack, in any way, ever, you become the boss' slut. I suggest one conversation with the future boss -- say you respect him professionally and think y'all could have a trusting and productive work relationship and are willing to work with him to set up boundaries to make sure that the best person for the job gets the job, and gets it done.

SG

=======

Sex Goddess is now on MySpace! Visit, chat and add her as your friend.

Do you have a question? Email SG at SexAndRelationships@WireTapMag.org.

Rules:

1. I hate rules!
2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.
3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!
4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ... do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.

Click here to access all of SG's sex and relationships wisdom.