Ask A Sex Goddess

By Sex Goddess, July 27, 2007

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Sex Column: 'I know this is going to seem like a stupid, naive question -- I'm going to be 16 in a few months and I haven't had the monumental first kiss.'

I know this is going to seem like a stupid, naive question coming from a little kid, but I'm going to ask it anyway. I'm going to be 16 in a few months and I haven't had the monumental first kiss [insert sweet 16 and never been kissed joke here]. My friends are out having sex and such while I haven't experienced anything. I suppose this is less of a question and more of a request for reassurance, but I'd like to ask for your opinion on my situation. Any words of advice?

Kissless Girl

Dear Kissless,

Ahwwwww -- its not a stupid naive question at all. Let's debunk some myths:

1. It may surprise you, but the Sex Goddess herself was a late bloomer, and so were many of her (my) closest and most sexually empowered friends!

2. It's rare that the first kiss is actually monumental. Some combination of chemistry, timing, fantasy and confidence lead to the truly monumental kisses in one's life ... the added factor of having everything align for your first kiss is fairly rare. If you are by any chance waiting for everything to be 'perfect' before letting the kissing begin, might I suggest that the perfection comes from how you see it, rather than the stars aligning!

3. There are many reasons why people aren't 'out having sex' or even kissing at 16, none of which indicate a problem with you. Are you nervous, shy, just don't know how to broach the topic, not sure if there's someone in particular you want to kiss, or maybe fly in fear and others don't know how to approach you?!

Overall I think the situation is fine. To get from no kissing to wonderful mind-blowing make-out sessions, find the one you really feel chemistry with -- a zing! It might not be who you think, so don't count anyone out when considering ... for instance, nerds often make remarkable and attentive make-out partners. Then, ask them ANYwhere where you can sit and look at each other while talking, and let them walk you home. When listening, let your eyes meet theirs and intentionally think that you would like them to know how you feel, how much you long for a kiss!

Let me know how it goes!

SG

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Do you have a question? Email SG at SexAndRelationships@WireTapMag.org.

Rules:

1. I hate rules!
2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.
3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!
4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ... do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.

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