Ask a Sex Goddess

By Sex Goddess, January 18, 2008

• Comment Now
• Email
• Print
• Reprints
• Share

I am not in a relationship, but would like to have a child with a sperm donor or a friend.

I come from a very traditional, very tight knit community. Sometimes, almost fundamentalist. They'd never say that but they aren't open to certain ways of being, I always feel so different from them. I'm 30, and I want to have a child. I am not in a relationship after several attempts on my part, and on the part of my parents. I was open to my parents' finds, and open to my own, but none of this has left me in a solid relationship. Now, I am thinking about having the child of my own and wondering, if there's any advice you might have to pursue this path. I can't imagine what to say about a sperm donor, or one of the two gay male friends who have offered, or even, an abortion. I would love a sperm donor or friend, so that my blood is there. I am scared to lose my family of the past, if I pursue my family of the future. 

Baby Momma in My Soul

Dear Baby Momma,

I'm sure there's no exactly right way to do it, though I can think of a lot of ways I wouldn't advise, including not having a baby when you're called to, and not being honest. But in terms of how you pursue it -- do you have any elders in your community you can speak to about the love in your heart for your future child? It might help to have someone else in a respected position introduce the idea to more close-minded members of your family. There are also levels of information you can choose to share with folks, it's a private process and you don't have to be accountable to everyone in this instance. If you are fairly financially stable, and have strong folks around you who would support the move, I'd even say risk the temporary wrath of your community. From what I've seen, babies bring folks around eventually; and how strong is the bond if they won't accept you and yours? Point is, it's your life. Release the joyful mother in you! 

SG

=======

Sex Goddess is now on MySpace! Visit, chat and add her as your friend.

Do you have a question? Email SG at SexAndRelationships@WireTapMag.org.

Rules:

1. I hate rules!
2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.
3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!
4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ... do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.

Click here to access all of SG's sex and relationships wisdom.