Ask a Sex Goddess

By Sex Goddess, August 16, 2008

• Comment Now
• Email
• Print
• Reprints
• Share

I hate my partner's new look. What do I say?

My partner of 7 years just shaved off his beard. He has had this beard the entire time we have been together. I had seen pictures of him from when he was younger without the beard, and thought he looked different, but not terrible. However, I can't help the reaction I am having right now: I hate it!! I hate his beardless face!! I am also really upset that he didn't give me a heads up - I just came home one day and his beautiful hair was gone. I don't know what to do because I don't feel attracted to him right now. He can tell, and its upsetting for both of us. Am I being a total asshole? How do I get the fire going again?

In love but not In lust

Princeton, NJ

Dear In love but not In lust~ Wow. Your partner must look REALLY different without his facial hair. I can understand your initial shock and dismay; however, your continued reaction of shock and dismay could border on melodramatic if you let it get out of hand. You've been with this guy for 7 years. Chances are that you are interested in more than just the pleasure of scruff on bare skin. Sure, he looks different, but I doubt he is unrecognizable to you.

You probably want to know if he is interested in or willing to grow his beard back - but more importantly, you should find out what spurred on such a dramatic change on his part. Its his face and his facial hair, so he probably has a good reason for doing what he did, even if that reason is as simple as "After 7+ years, I needed a change." Meanwhile, you may want to examine why his facial hair is so important to you. Why you were so attached to his beard?

In any case, don't freak out. Your lust will return once you have had time to adjust to his new look. If you think it will help, you can always ask him to wear a fake beard during intimate moments. Be prepared to hassle with some spirit gum. Good luck!

=======

Do you have a question? Email SG at SexAndRelationships@WireTapMag.org.

Rules:

1. I hate rules!

2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.

3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!

4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ... do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.