Ask a Sex Goddess

By Sex Goddess, September 2, 2008

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How do I talk dirty?

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Dear Sex Goddess~ I am currently having sex with this guy who is so, so, so hot. I am really happy with the sex, really happy with him. It's going great. Except for one thing: he likes to talk dirty. More specifically, he wants to hear me talk dirty. This is a problem for me, because I just don't know how, so when I try it, I feel like I sound stupid. He is really encouraging and seems to like what I say, but I feel uncomfortable. Any tips?

Newbie

Cincinnati, OH

Dear Newbie ~ Have no fear! Trying something new in the bedroom can be a bit anxiety-producing, but there are ways of easing yourself into talking dirty that make it easier to feel comfortable and creative. A great way to start is by reading erotic stories to each other during foreplay (reading aloud during sex is fairly advanced). In this way you can get comfortable with hearing dirty talk, but you don't have the pressure of coming up with things to say.

When you actually start talking, start with the easy stuff: talk about how good it feels, what it feels like when he does ___, how much you like it when he ____s. You can also ask him questions (do you like it when I ____ your ____? tell me how bad you want it!), and you can spend lots of time describing how you want him to do certain things. Eventually you may get to the point where you can make up your own stories, either in advance or in the moment, to tell him. Pay attention to the kinds of things he says when he is talking dirty - it gives you a clue as to what he wants to hear.

More than anything else, recognize that you've got an encouraging and supportive sex partner who is capable of expressing what he likes in the bedroom, which is more than lots of folks can say. Take advantage of the opportunity to get creative and expand your boundaries in a way that is safe. He won't laugh at you. And you will almost certainly make him come. Have fun!!

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Do you have a question? Email SG at SexAndRelationships@WireTapMag.org.

Rules:

1. I hate rules!

2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.

3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!

4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ... do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.